Best way to TV.
Get a crap computer, download TV on that.
Give them TV info from the crappy computer (and since TV makes them lag, they'll probably log off CA).
Prepare to get TVed by opening notepad and typing in the words
Wow, you fail at life.
Prepare to look at my uber legitness.
Look in my regedit and you have no life.
Then disconnect your internet from that computer and say they have such fail internet that they probably just lag too much to be good at Combat Arms at all.