What is the greatest thing you've ever read?

[HeroicXPharaoh]

From Reddit

" I have a freckle on my penis. I understand it's relatively normal but it's not something I brag about.



The freckle lies smack-bang in the middle of my shaft. It is a dark brown colour, and it is mostly oval shaped. If you run your fingers over it (cute girls reading this, I highly recommend this activity, for science), then you wouldn't feel it. It is very much a part of my skin. In fact, it's like one tiny part of me, on the shaft of my penis, is brown. I wouldn't go as far to call me African-American, however, as I'm very much white and Australian, but, as a child, it did make me wonder...



Now, my older sister, let's call her Rebecca, is a twin, technically, but her twin died while it was still developing in the womb. So she's not really a twin. But, anyway, Rebecca has a mole on her neck. This mole, my mother used to say, was the undeveloped fetus. My childhood brain believed this to be the case, that, when people died, they'd attach their crumpled and tiny bodies onto other living beings as a slightly unsettling method of attaining immortality, and guide their living host through life. A little bit like a guardian angel.



My grandmother used to work with Indigenous Australians in remote communities in outback Australia. One day while at her house, she decided to go through her photo album. Most of these photos had three things in common - my grandmother, my grandfather, and a black man. I ask my grandmother who the black man is. "That's Robert, woodenial." "Well how come I've never seen Robert before?" "He's gone." "Gone where?" My grandmother paused for a moment. She wanted to say this delicately to a six year old. "He's dead." "Oh" "He died about the same time you were born." I asked my mother about this when I got home, she could confirm.



Now, let's cast our mind back to two paragraphs ago and recall the belief that dead people attached themselves to the living. With this belief in mind, we shall head back to my penis. We should head to the little brown spot on my penis, to be exact. I came to a sudden realisation that night in my bed when I got home. The brown freckle on my penis was a dead person. Robert was also a dead person, who happened to have dark skin. I put two and two together and came to the only logical conclusion: Robert is my phallus-bound guardian angel. "

[Iridesence]

Wtf is this

Greatest thing I've read is the Bible, it's pretty damn popular

[Raple]

that was a pretty good one, gave me a kek

[[MPGH]Mayion]

I feel ashamed for laughing

[DildoTheCloutGod]

that was a pretty good one, gave me a kek

kekeroni peperoni boi

[West District]

Not sure what I just read. The coolest thing I've read is the shampoo ingredients and directions when my phone has no battery and I am taking a shit.

[Predator]

[[MPGH]Dave84311]

well I read what you read and came to the conclusion that it's fucking dumb

I got a freckle on my cock and it sure as fuck ain't a dead person

[[MPGH]Doc]

On the internet:

https://www.angelfire.com/trek/caver/page1.html

Weeb Literature:



Actual Literature, although I don't read much:

[Dama]

This retarded message from @hunter After I've told him that after a month of waiting I finally want to see some action from him.

"You know what? I'm tired of trying to reimburse everyone and getting no credit or at least a thanks for it. Anyone else in my situation would just run away, you know? Besides, please keep your silly threats to yourself. How exactly would you do that when you admitted you social engineered the phone yourself, which is highly illegal by default. You admitted it more than once, remember? I could easily reach out Amazon with the S/N, explain the whole situation and expose you, you know I could. And then not only would you face trouble with Amazon, but also with your beloved Samsung company. You keep pointing fingers, but you didn't tell Staff I had paid you for the phone already as you said you would once I started paying for it. That's enough, everyone keeps pressuring me and they forget they're the ones who need me and not otherwise. You'll wait for turn unless you want to receive no more money and get exposed to two major companies for blatantly robbing them. Also, yes, this is a threat, and not an empty one, believe me. If I go down, I'm not going alone. To think I'm bluffing at this point would be plain stupidity anyway. Tired of getting told how to proceed by every and each one of you, that's fucking enough."

He paid me back 70€ by now and keeps ignoring my messages on Skype unless I threaten to lock the phone. I simply asked him to update me on his situation once a week but he even failed to do that. At this point he's just trying to get more time to use/sell the phone without paying me.

[Magz12]

Read this somewhere on forums
Whats the biggest thing you've ever returned

"Dildo"
They weren't kidding about that XXL size

[Axel]

story gave me the spooks. I'll never look at a freckle the same ever again

[leacherxd]

HAHA i read that one a few years ago. Nice, dude.

[niggo]

What is the greatest thing you've ever read?

basically any shitpost in general