Programming jokes

[VvITylerIvV]

Hey, so what programming jokes have you heard over the years?

Probably the most famous/best joke EVER:

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world. Those that understand binary and those that don't.


And then a few others I've heard over the years..

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.


“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”


All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.


The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea.


What have you heard over the years?

[VirtualSia]

The first one is wrong.
Binary is base two, not 10.
Decimal is base 10 -.-
It's:
There's two kinds of people in the world: Those who do and those who do not understand Binary.

Binary is 1's and 0's meaning Positives and negatives.

[Nathan]

I'm sorry but I don't like either if them

[whit]

The first one is wrong.
Binary is base two, not 10.
Decimal is base 10 -.-
It's:
There's two kinds of people in the world: Those who do and those who do not understand Binary.

Binary is 1's and 0's meaning Positives and negatives.

This has to be VirtualDUDE /fp

But anyways

Two bytes meet.  The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”  
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air.  His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack?  Smoking is hazardous to your health!” 

To which the man replies, “I am a programmer.  We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”

[VvITylerIvV]

The first one is wrong.
Binary is base two, not 10.
Decimal is base 10 -.-
It's:
There's two kinds of people in the world: Those who do and those who do not understand Binary.

Binary is 1's and 0's meaning Positives and negatives.

0000 = 0
0001 = 1
0010 = 2 << therefore there are 10 people in this world. 10 = 2. 2 people in this world. See. It's a pun.
0011 = 3
0100 = 4
0101 = 5
0110 = 6
0111 = 7
1000 = 8
1001 = 9
1010 = 10
1011 = 11
1100 = 12
1101 = 13
1110 = 14
1111 = 15

This has to be VirtualDUDE /fp

Clearly he's one of the people who DON'T understand binary.

[VirtualSia]

0000 = 0
0001 = 1
0010 = 2 << therefore there are 10 people in this world. 10 = 2. 2 people in this world. See. It's a pun.
0011 = 3
0100 = 4
0101 = 5
0110 = 6
0111 = 7
1000 = 8
1001 = 9
1010 = 10
1011 = 11
1100 = 12
1101 = 13
1110 = 14
1111 = 15

Aha got it now :P
Didn't even consider that lol.

EDIT:
Binary only goes to 1025? lol...

[VvITylerIvV]

Aha got it now :P
Didn't even consider that lol.

EDIT:
Binary only goes to 1025? lol...

Binary is infinite It's a bunch of 1's and 0's together that the computer can read.

A single character. Such as 'd' or '#' is 8 1's and 0's

The single characters are converted to hexadecimal, and then those are converted to a number between 0-255 which are then converted to binary.

Binary is the most basic, lowest level, hardest to use, no UI, nearly impossible to use programming language.

Every programming language when they compile a program will "decrypt" the code, so to speak. Basically, they change all the code to a bunch of 1's and 0's. And THAT is what binary is. FYI. The way you said it ruins the joke.

@whit I have heard those jokes before actually. Just couldn't remember them to well. Theres also one about a string that isn't null terminated, but I forget it.

[VirtualSia]

Binary is infinite It's a bunch of 1's and 0's together that the computer can read.

A single character. Such as 'd' or '#' is 8 1's and 0's

The single characters are converted to hexadecimal, and then those are converted to a number between 0-255 which are then converted to binary.

Binary is the most basic, lowest level, hardest to use, no UI, nearly impossible to use programming language.

Every programming language when they compile a program will "decrypt" the code, so to speak. Basically, they change all the code to a bunch of 1's and 0's. And THAT is what binary is. FYI. The way you said it ruins the joke.

@whit I have heard those jokes before actually. Just couldn't remember them to well. Theres also one about a string that isn't null terminated, but I forget it.

don't tutor me. I have when people do that, for no apparent reason
Binary is a mathematical base, not a programming language.

[VvITylerIvV]

don't tutor me. I have when people do that, for no apparent reason
Binary is a mathematical base, not a programming language.

Yes, although without computers binary would never have been created.

Binary was used in machines before being a mathematical base. Well I suppose both at the exact same time. Although binary IS how computers read everything. So technically, binary is the lowest level programming language. If you can figure out how to use it . You'd basically be programming directly into the hardware...

If computers and machinery were never invented, nor would binary. Binary is only here because it's the fastest way for computers to read...

[Hell_Demon]

Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Can I get you anything?"
"Yeah," reply the bytes. "Make us a double."

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, "Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!"
To which the man replies, "I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors."

Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”
The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”
The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

Copied them off a page, heard em all <:

[VvITylerIvV]

Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Can I get you anything?"
"Yeah," reply the bytes. "Make us a double."

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, "Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!"
To which the man replies, "I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors."

Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”
The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”
The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

Copied them off a page, heard em all <:

lol. Most programmer jokes are offensive. Meh, still give me a chuckle or two.

[Auxilium]

May i access your private parts directly or will i need to get() them some other way..

[VirtualSia]

LOL@HD

Two girls walk into a bar, the one girl asks for a drink, the other one asks for a.....
And in the end, they lived happily to the end of their days, meaning until they weren't beautiful enough to be used.

(Deep inside the story there should be a moral, and a meaning i suppose O_o)

[VvITylerIvV]

I don't quite understand that one @VirtualSia :S

[whit]

LOL@HD

Two girls walk into a bar, the one girl asks for a drink, the other one asks for a.....
And in the end, they lived happily to the end of their days, meaning until they weren't beautiful enough to be used.

(Deep inside the story there should be a moral, and a meaning i suppose O_o)

Umm what ?
Is this a programming joke or kinky sex story?