1. Download minecraft.rar and extract.
2. Run minecraft.exe.
3. Enter anything into the name field.
4. For the first time using it, be sure to check off "Force Update".
5. Wait for files to download.
6. ???
7. Profit.
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Error: No jvm could be found on your system. Please define EXE4J_JAVA_HOME to point to an installed 32-bit JKD or JRE or download a JRE from jav*****m: Java + You help?
nvm fixed had to download java on new comp (im no stupid)