I've been thinking..

Well, I've been thinking of my future lately. Sadly, in several classes, I'm the only one that puts my head down, not giving a damn what the teacher is saying. Have no clue what's going on, except of my dreams. Well, I've been thinking, about jobs, family, ECT. I never think of things like this, but It's kind of finally hitting me. Took about 5 years, but It's now getting to me.

I know I need to straighten out, next year, I'll be going to a new school, because I'm moving. I'll really have no one to talk to, so I'll have to be focused on my work. (Girls looks really good there though) .

Anyways, when I've been thinking of this, I'm so behind in credits, that even if I did turn around, I'd still be like two semesters behind. I still have a chance of passing some classes, if I do good on the finals, but the only time I'm going to do good on the finals, is the criteria that I've learned in the first 20 weeks or so. I'm going to know nothing after that. Shit, hardly know the criteria from the first 20 weeks. So, really I'm kind of fucked.

I really do need to turn around. Need to stop talking, need to just grow up, really. I've never done good in school, and when my new school, gets my transaction, their going to be like "shit..". So, my goal is to turn myself around, and become a kid that actually cares about his work. I never thought this would hit me, like it did, but It's scary. Watching all these people losing their jobs, having college diploma's. Where the hell am I going to be without an Highschool Diploma? Nowhere. This hit me, like I never thought.

Well, I guess that's it. I'm finishing up this year, as the sleepy kid, going back the following year, and going to do the best I can, and stick with it. I need to get these grades up, and graduate. All of my family has graduated, I don't want to be known as the kid that dropped out/kicked out.

Blah.. freaky shit. I know that this is REALLY going to hit me my senior year, when I can't walk the carpet. I'm going to feel like a dip shit. Watching all my friends that I've been going to school with, leaving, and me staying behind.

Whatever, I can do it.. just have to see how it works out. =/

Edit - And see, I typed all this, but in school, on a computer, I could care less. I would just chance my teacher, playing games, until I get kicked off.. sdfjlksdjf.. I'm a dumbass..