Teacher Wanted

So here is the deal. I am not good at programming or scripting or anything, but I want to know how to do those things. Now, I am bright when it comes to basic and some even more complex computer skills, but nothing that has to do with hacking. You will need to dumb it down for me and maybe even do some simple step by step directions at some points. I am willing to pay via paypal if requested. Any response would be appreciated. Thanks.

EDIT: I mainly want to use these skills in Dayz but i would use them in other games when I get more advanced.

Add me on skype: poppopsea