Read the entire thing and tbh I'm not a fan. I like how you did the whole breaking the 4th wall thing, with someone speaking to the narrator and what not as if the narrator is speaking straight to the reader, however at this point I find that so generic and overdone. Also your characters are extremely shallow in that they're so underdeveloped that I couldn't care for any of them. As someone else said, more background and character development. All I hear is a bunch of names, girl names, guy names, but they all lack character. One dude is supposedly a douche but a friend, cool. Another dude is an asshole that the narrator has beef with, cool? And the way the characters speak give me cancer. They just sound like really angsty teenagers (which I guess they're suppose to be?). Btw, that part where the narrator said what else would you expect from a 16 year old hipster? Like that part just sounded so fake.