Don't be depressed, it's pathetic. You are quite literally wallowing in a pool of self-pity. And if contemplate suicide, that's even more pathetic. There are fuckers out there that I can guarantee you gone through so much worse shit than you, are so fucked up in the head, and yet they go on with life. Get the fuck out of the pool, and make something of yourself. Your life, no matter how bad it might seem, is a fucking haven compared to some poor prick's existence.