My heart certainly goes to some of my family members who would mourn my passing. They might have more pain when i pass away than the pain i had but that still doesn't make me change my minds. I can't see myself living in this society. Failed, doing a job 50 years that i never wanted. I look at people everyday, about my age, studying everyday, knowing that many or all them will certainly have a great future ahead as a doctor, a pilot and so on.
I can't stand it to be such an idiot and to have failed so terribly. I can't make my mistakes straight, even if i am only 16 years old. Among those who are young, many of them do not realize what education means and what for effect it has. Some of them will find outlets in IT. Some will have an escape in art. Some will live their lives pursuing unicorns that they will never, ever catch.
I never had a talent to lose myself in, or a dream or unicorn to chase because i already failed and so i think i'll be taken the path most dreaded.
It's not an excuse. Internet is a great way to say something in privatly. Why search for help when you know that nothing can be changed?
About love. I can't get a girl and even if i could get one, sooner or later they will leave me behind. I am not the kind of guy who is looking for a slut to have sex with. I am not the kind of guy that looks at how sexy the girl is, instead i am looking at the girl who is smart and dignified. I am the kind of guy who is very picky about friends and relationships. To bad i am just a nerd, a geek, a loser who fails to impress any girl. Just when i start talking, i begin to stutter, not knowing what to say except for a few questions, shy, looking down.
And about stuttering, it's not because i am shy that i stutter but because i have a speech disorder. I stutter, i can't even say my name without putting the letter T in front of it. I have One Heart for sale. Horrible Condition. Will take anything for it. Please. Just cut it out of my chest and end this suffering.